In the very confusing time we are living in at the moment, everything can change in a matter of seconds. There is nothing consistent, nothing that is for sure. Leaving in this state of ignorance, of lack of knowledge, not knowing what happens next, can be extremely frustrating. Especially for me, as I am a person who likes to be in control – I want to know the direction in which I am headed, I want to have a sense of security in my future. I know it is a selfish thought, but it worries me a lot recently, especially regarding my work.
As some of you know, back in September, I started working at a new job. It’s been a very rocky road. I have struggled a lot with finding my place my path there. It wasn’t too long ago when I finally felt that I have, and decided to stay there, after months of just wanting to quit and walk away. So, what happened? When I made my decision to stay, I was sure of my position. I already made connections with my co-workers, who I now love, and as a person who has difficulties with new beginnings, I decided to stay. I felt secure in my position and didn’t think anything can mess it up, but boy was I wrong.
With everything that happened, I didn’t have a lot of security in my position. My department at my workplace was in danger of shutting down multiple times during the last few months, which was a stressful experience for me. Now, trying to look into the future, to see what it may hold, I am starting to fear and question my decision. I have no idea what is going to happen next year, and I am feeling very unsure and where I am headed. I guess that I would eventually have to accept it and just go with the flow, but as for now, I am worried.