Before You Move In Together
June 25, 2018
Alexandra Wade

Deciding to move in together is a big deal. It’s not like playing house, although it’s always fun. It’s the first step towards marriage, and is sort of like a test to see if the two of you can really live a happy and healthy life together, despite daily challenges that may arise (which is completely normal). It’s also a complex situation. If you’re married and you fight, you’re more likely to both try to put the effort in to work on it, rather than right away walking out. Divorce doesn’t usually happen overnight, but breakups sure do, unfortunately.

So before you move in together, make sure you’re ready and that you know what you’re getting into.  Make sure you discuss prior to making the big move some expectations from both sides, and make sure that you are both ready to put in the work that the newly found cohabitation relationship requires. Even if you were used to sleeping at each other’s places every night, it’s really not the same, and comes with a lot more complications. Not to say that it’s not the most exciting and fun experience possible, building a home and a future together, decorating the house, having dance parties, and waking up every morning to each other.

Now you’ve got to take care of things together, there’s no more your’s and mine. There’s laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, and cleaning, which for the most part – are not the most desirable tasks. How will you guys split up the tasks, and how will you make sure that both of you are comfortable with how things are done, and how much each person does? How will you both divide up your time, and much will your schedules being synced with each other? If there is not enough communication, a lot of resentful feelings can be built up.

Should there be an expectation that the two of you have dinner together every night? Do you have to check with them before making other plans? How much space and alone time do you both need?

Another crucial factor to discuss before is your finances. Will you have a joint account, or will you be splitting all of the bills?  Does one partner having a larger salary mean they pay for everything? It can get real awkward if things are not laid out and made clear. If you do have a joint account, what is considered fair? How does your partner feel about your lifestyle? Perhaps going to the spa, restaurants, and shopping daily does not match up with what they are comfortable with.

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