As I mentioned before, I’ve been cheated on a few times. In one of the times, it was a baffling experience. We were together for a year and a half and even shared an apartment. I thought we had a very good connection. I can admit there were cracks. We weren’t intimate for more than a month. We were more distant. But I still believed everything was going well. Until he told me.

It was on a Thursday. We were getting ready to go to one of his work events. He called me from the other room and told me he needs to speak with me. We sat down and he said, “I can’t hold it in anymore. I slept with my secretary. I’m sorry.” I reacted as one would expect, I cried and screamed, but it wasn’t a huge shock to me. When I asked him why and confronted him, he tried selling me nonsense before telling me it was my fault. How dare he?

Don’t blame us for your mistakes. It’s not my fault you strayed and looked elsewhere. I loved you. Like you, I felt the distance. But unlike you, I was loyal. And I did confront you about the affair. I’m not stupid. I knew what the late hours meant, I smelled her perfume on your collar. And yet, every time I asked, you would deny it, say I’m delusional. Why? It could have been so much easier if you would just admit it from the start. Strike that. It could’ve been easier if you would have spoken to me before.

Why didn’t you speak to me about your feelings like a grown up? We could have had a mature, honest talk about our status. I always wanted to bring it up, to discuss it. But you were always out, or you came home late or not “in the mood”. How am I expected to know what you want or need if we don’t communicate? I did whatever I could to help us, to rebuild our relationship. How am I to blame here?

Until now I couldn’t escape that feeling. I was sure I’m the one to blame. I let him get away; I didn’t care enough, I wasn’t in it enough, I didn’t fulfill all his needs. But after many years of thinking I can finally point the blaming finger back to him. I wasn’t the one that ended this relationship; moreover, I fought for it. You broke our trust, our intimacy, by adding another person to the mix. I’m not at fault. Like you, I also have needs. You’re not the only one that should have their needs met. There are two people in a relationship, not three, not one.

Take responsibility for your actions.