As you may already know, my romantic life has been rocky for many years. I have already spoken many times about how I was cheated on many times in the past. However, I want to focus on a new angle this time. In one of those times, I confronted my then-boyfriend as I could see his heart wasn’t in it anymore. I needed him to set me free, to let me go, but he just wouldn’t.
When he told me he cheated on me, I went numb. I couldn’t believe it had happened to me yet again. After he told me, he stared at me patiently. When I asked him to leave our shared apartment, he asked: “That’s it? Don’t you have anything else you would like to say to me?”
This comment infuriated me then, and it still does today. See, I am not going to fight for you. I am not going to waste energy on trying to convenience you that you should stay; or that I am the right girl for you. I have no desire to be your second choice. The one you settle for.
What infuriated me, even more, is the fact that I actually fell for it back in the day. I let it get to me. I believed that I was not good enough, that no one will ever love me unconditionally. Now looking back, I can see how wrong I was. While he might think he is settling on me, the truth is that I am settling on him. I shouldn’t be with someone that can’t see how great I am; that can’t see just how valuable I am.
Even regardless of all that, if someone tells you there is someone else, the relationship is already doomed. I don’t want to be around you as you wonder what if. I don’t want to constantly wonder if you are thinking about her, to worry that you still have one foot out the door.
I am no one’s second choice. I don’t deserve that. At this point, no matter which one of us you decide to keep, you’ve already lost me.