Focus on What You Have
January 8, 2020
Ariella Jacobs

A friend of mine recently approached me about a problem she’s been having in her relationship. I felt that her problem was a good lesson for others, so, with her approval, I decided to share the story with you. Before we get into the problem she faced, let me give you some background.

My friend started dating this guy about two years ago. Coming into this relationship, my friend knew it was on the path to marriage; my friend is 29, and her boyfriend is 30, and that was the intention on both sides. Unlike my friend, her boyfriend was intended to marry another woman at a certain point in time. That piece of information managed to spoil a special moment in my friend’s life.

What had happened was that this guy proposed to my friend a few days ago. This event, which was supposed to be an exciting, and joyful one for my friend, was ruined. For her, it became a competition with his former fiance.

My friend’s boyfriend told her the entire story of his previous proposal; how they traveled to Paris, where he proposed at the top of the Eiffel Tower; how even that wasn’t enough for her. My friend felt as if his proposal to her, which took place at their joint home, was rushed and not special enough in comparison.

What my friend lacked to see is how much that difference is irrelevant; how much it doesn’t matter. Instead of looking at focusing on their relationship, she chose to focus on the past, on other relationships. If she had maintained her focus on the present, she might have been able to see how this difference can be a good thing. His proposal to her shows that he feels at home with her; that he is sure of their relationship and love; that he is sure she won’t behave like his ex, who lost him.

Don’t lose sight of your present. Don’t get all tangled up in the past. Focus on what you have and how special it is. Sure, we all want this kind of event to be special and memorable. However, sometimes we fail to see just how special a small gesture, an intimate moment, can mean.

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