Hard To Love
October 16, 2019
Jade Kerr

For most of my romantic life, I was convinced I was ‘difficult’ to love. I was sure that no one will ever truly love me, and that if someone is choosing to be with me, he’s settling.  Now that I am in a healthy and loving relationship, I was proven wrong. My new-found happiness and comfort helped me find a new outlook on my past feelings.

 

What I see now is that I didn’t love myself enough. I doubted myself, lowered my self-worth. I didn’t like so many things about myself and projected these feelings on other people. What I see now is that I was difficult to love. However, it wasn’t because of who I am, but rather because of everything I projected.

 

My low self-esteem and lack of confidence turned people away. My over apologetic approach turned people away. My paranoia and clinginess turned people away. I showed people that I didn’t love myself enough. So how could they?

 

I want to take this opportunity to thank my current boyfriend. He didn’t quit on me. He kept building me up and show me just how much I’m worth. Like, for example, the gap in my teeth. They used to be a weakness of mine; I hated them. However, my current boyfriend told me it was his favorite part about me.

 

Thanks to him, I was finally able to rediscover myself. I was able to find love for myself. Through his validation, I found my own. He helped me see that I don’t need others to accept me, to approve of me, as long as I am at peace with myself.

 

So, thank you. Thank you for loving me when I couldn’t. For my entire life, I thought that I was hard to love, but you made it look so easy.

 

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