As I have opened up about here many times in the past, I have started working at a new job in September of last year. It was a crazy journey, filled with ups and downs and many crises I thought I couldn’t overcome. Throughout most of the first year, all I wanted to do was quit my job. I hated my job, struggled to gain motivation to get up and go to work, and had difficulties feeling comfortable with the people around me. However, over time, something in me changed. Suddenly, I started to see it all differently – I started enjoying what I did. Unfourtanetly, that feeling was short-lived. At that time, after many thoughts of quitting, I decided to stay for another year. Back then, it felt right, but as the moment approached, that feeling changed. It felt like I was starting all over, and the old feelings came back as well.
I don’t know why these old feelings came back with the new year. I already started feeling comfortable in my abilities and place in my department. But, it happened. Once again, I am finding myself counting the minutes until the end of the day, the days until the weekend, and the months until the end of the year. I barely get up in the morning and cannot seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not going to lie – I still feel better at my job than I did during this time last year. However, emotionally and mentally, I feel like I went back to where I was last year. I know that I am very privileged to have a job these days. I am in no way blind to this or am ungrateful to that. However, I cannot change the way I feel. Looking back at everything that happened since last September, I honestly can’t grasp how I did it – how I overcame every obstacle and made it to the finish line of last year.