Our marriage lasted two years. I’ve never been more in love in my life and was so sure this is forever, that he was my person, my one and only. After about a year and a half together, I started to feel something was off. After carrying it with me for a month I decided it was time to address it head-on, to have an open honest talk. We decided to make a move and go to couples counseling. It was a love we both were not ready to give up. Looking back, there were a lot of causes that led us there.
The Rushed Beginning
I know a lot of you will say I should have seen it coming, it was obvious. We married after only six months together. After six months we tied the knot in Vegas. But unlike the saying, what happened that night in Vegas stayed with me my whole life.
I loved him. I thought about it a lot and I made my decision. It was a calculated and well thought out decision. But at the end of the day, it was a factor in our eventual split. We didn’t know each other well enough. We were in our honeymoon phase. We saw each other’s advantages and didn’t notice the flaws. And that is never a good thing.
After we got married things began to change. His personality changed. He started teasing me, saying mean and snarky comments, belittling me. As a result, I started to lose myself, of who I used to be. I felt insecure, judged, under constant scrutiny. He expected me to be someone I wasn’t, to be there day and night satisfying all his needs. It was made more and more evident to me what a mistake it all was. We really didn’t know each other at all. The decision we made, which I thought was calculated and well thought out, wasn’t. I had no idea what I was getting into. I was deeply in love and didn’t see all the warning signs that were clearly there. His true colors made me lose trust and faith in him. I couldn’t rely on him. I wanted to confer with others but was ashamed, afraid of what they would say or think. The one that got into marriage too quick and is now paying the price. And you know what, it’s completely right.
Considering all that, we lost a crucial thing in every relationship: friendship. He wasn’t my best friend anymore. I couldn’t turn to him at a time of need because I didn’t trust him. We weren’t as close as before. We hid secrets. We were annoyed with each other, and couldn’t bring ourselves to talk about our poor state. We couldn’t communicate.
The Little Things
It was not only the big things but also the small ones. The coffee he used to make me in the morning but stopped after a while. The notes I left him when I packed his lunch for him. We didn’t hug or kiss at all anymore, let alone talk. Even though it was hell, we stayed like this for a while. We didn’t want to admit it, our failure.
It wasn’t easy. Being at therapy taught both of us a lot. And even though we didn’t want to be that couple, didn’t want to admit our defeat, marriage counseling helped us both realize we have to. We resented each other. We couldn’t bridge our differences, and quite honestly, we didn’t want it enough. We pushed each other away. Deep inside, I wanted him out of my life. He made me insecure, and I lost who I was with him. He wasn’t who I thought he was. He didn’t love me like he promised.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try couple counseling, that doesn’t mean you can’t defy the odds. Just because it didn’t help us, doesn’t mean you’re the same. We were too far gone. If you’re having trouble in your relationship, seek help, before it’s too late.