It has been long established that spanking is bad for kids. But yelling, on the other hand? Almost every parent did it at some point or another. Well, as it turns out, it causes much more harm than you may think. The American Academy of Pediatrics says that yelling can elevate children’s stress hormones and lead to changes in the actual architecture of their little brains. So, what can we do?

Further research shows that yelling isn’t that effective either. As it suggests, yelling at your kids only causes them to repeat the behavior, instead of stopping it. And if all of these points against yelling were not enough, at the end of the day, no parent likes yelling at their kid.

The first thing you should know is the difference between the different purposes of yelling. On one side, there is yelling to protect your child. That is an instinct, an alarm; letting your kid know that there is a danger. The other type, of course, is yelling out of anger. If you yell at your kid for crossing the street without looking, for example, go ahead; you are doing it to protect them, and that is the most important thing.

When you feel the urge to yell, use your body to do something else. Distract your body by doing something else. Tap your forehead, pinch your leg, hop up and down, take a breath. However, if you can’t seem to hold back your yelling, make sure that what you are yelling isn’t hurtful. o for that “Oof, I am so angry,” type of sayings.

Lastly, know that the fact you are repeating things doesn’t mean you aren’t heard or that you are failing as a parent. Kids need to hear some things over and over until they really get it.

Despite everything, the most important thing to remember is that you are going to yell, and that’s okay. We all do. We are all doing the best we can, so just carry on.