I Blocked You Today
August 4, 2021
Jade Kerr

Today, I blocked you. For over two months now, I’ve been in my own head, replaying everything that went down between us. Trying to find what it was that led to your leave. I would find myself staring at your number for hours, staring at your picture, debating whether I should call or text you. At first, it was single every day, and as time went by, it happened less and less. I wasn’t ready to let you go, to let us go, so easily. You were my person, my confidant, my best friend- for years. And, now that you left, am I just supposed to drop it and let it all go?

I don’t know what changed that day, but as I stared at your number on my phone, I suddenly realized what a waste of my time it was. So many minutes, if not hours, of my life, spent looking at a number on a phone screen. The number of a person that meant so much to me, but I meant so little to. It used to numb me, to bring me down. I couldn’t move on with my day for a while after. So much time spent on mourning what we had, mourning you and the role you played in my life – it all suddenly seemed so stupid. Because I am sure that while I was doing this, I probably never even crossed your mind.

So, that day, I finally blocked you. I was finally ready to leave you behind. I was ready to live my life without you in it, to clean every part of my life from you. I don’t want to see what you like or where you are. I’m done trying to draw your attention, done trying to impress or prove something to you. I blocked you because I wanted to remember the me that was before us, before you. I blocked you because I am done loving you and hating myself when it should be the opposite. Now, you can’t reach me anymore.

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