I Can’t Wait Forever
March 30, 2020
Jade Kerr

Another day, another humiliation. You love to disappoint me, don’t you? I tried to be forgiving, tried to forget, but you carried on with your old ways. I’ve been understanding, tried to be patient with you, and you on your part, promised to change. Well, I’ve been waiting and waiting, and I don’t think I have more time to give.

 

I believe people can change, and I desperately want to believe you can too. However, there are too many “buts” and “what ifs.” As much as I love you, there is just too much pain involved. Thinking about it, I fear that no matter how long I’ll wait for you, I won’t be able to move past what you did to me.

 

What does this say about me? That I am willing to put up with your treatment? That I am still waiting for you to change? You can’t shine when you allow people to dull your best qualities to make way for theirs. They want all the attention and need you to make yourself small so they appear larger.

 

Digging deep down into myself, I think what holds me back is fear. I fear to let go, fear to be alone. Unfourtenetly, I found myself seeking your approval, your affection because after the way you treated me, I can’t provide it to myself. I want so much to believe in the change that I came up with so many excuses.

 

This is the story of an old relationship of mine. Thankfully, eventually, I realized I shouldn’t have to wait around for anything. I shouldn’t have to wait around for someone to respect me. I shouldn’t have to wait around for someone to be faithful to me. I shouldn’t have to wait around for someone to be kind to me.

 

I shouldn’t have to wait around for someone to love me.

 

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