I Know I Make It Difficult
July 24, 2020
Jade Kerr

Loving me isn’t easy. There are so many things that I just can’t seem to leave behind me.┬áMy romantic past wasn’t a particularly great one. Multiple of my past relationships were highly toxic, and too many of them ended due to cheating. My history has caused so much damage to my personal life, all of which made me a difficult person to love. My trust issues, separation anxiety, and more – all made me who I am today. Despite everything, you have stuck by me, and I am so thankful for that.

via Unsplash

I know I make it difficult for you when you’re off doing something on your own. While I am slowly learning to let go, let you have your space, and trust you, it is still so hard for me. In my past relationships, seeing how my full trust was used and shattered by these men, made it hard for me to give it again. You proved to me so many times how deserving you are of my trust, and yet, I am not fully there. It might be a slow process, with no immediate results, but you have no idea just how far I’ve come from when I met you. You help me trust people again, and there are no words to express my gratitude.

I know I make it difficult to love me. I pick at every tiny detail, get hysterical too quickly, jump to conclusions. These things aren’t easy to deal with – I’m well aware. But again, I can’t just get rid of them in a second. I carry this baggage with me for so many years, that unfortunately, they have become a part of me. I am working hard to leave it behind me, and you have helped me so much since the moment you walked into my life. While I make things more difficult, you make them so much easier and beautiful, and I love you for it so much. I know I make things difficult, but I promise that eventually, it will be worth it all.

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