I Lost Me Trying To Find Us
July 14, 2018
Alexandra Wade

I want to believe that loving each other is easy. I want to truly believe from the bottom of my heart that all of those secrets we shared and the laughter and tears meant something.

 

I want to believe that you’re with me because you really want to be with me, and not because you fear that I will be with someone else, and you can’t handle that.

 

I want to believe that all of those incredibly amazing moments were real. I always felt so safe when I would lay down on your chest. You gave me this sense of security that I never felt before.

 

But that was exactly my problem. I tried to have you make up for a feeling I never had. I ignored everything else that was so wrong with our relationship because I had made you my everything. I counted on you to be my support system, but when it came to the things that were truly important to me, you were never really there.

 

You stopped answering me and left me on a read receipt. I ran out and felt like I had lost myself and all the life inside of me. I realized that everything that I once stood for and that meant something to me didn’t anymore, because I feared how it would come off to you.

 

I tried so hard to find us, but then I couldn’t find myself.  Once upon a time, everything was perfect. But then came the storm, and I couldn’t keep hiding anymore.

 

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