As people, human beings, we are not perfect. There is always something that we can do differently, something that we can do better. And, as it applies to us, it also applies to others. When we meet other people, it can be easy for us to judge them off the bat. What we think they should change, how we think they could do better, be better, etc. This judgment could be a significant setback in truly getting to know others, in making a connection with them.
I had experienced that firsthand in the past. It was a while ago – when I was in my early twenties. I started dating this guy I met through mutual friends. He was a sweet guy, and we went on about three dates before things took a turn. All of a sudden, I started noticing some things about him that I didn’t like about him. These were little tweaks that I wanted to make. I wished he chewed less loudly. I wished he was taller. I wished he wore better clothes. Basically, I wished he wasn’t truly himself.
I don’t know what it was about this guy in particular, but at this specific time, I noticed a pattern. Whenever I went out with someone, I always found something in them that I didn’t like, something that I would want to change in them. They were never good enough. There was always a flaw that I found in them. I wondered why I was doing it? Why did I look for a flaw every time? Sometimes even forcefully? I realized that I was setting these men up for failure. I guess that at that time, I didn’t feel ready yet myself. I wasn’t at peace with myself – I didn’t love myself enough yet to enter a relationship. This realization helped me a lot in my process to find it, to love myself. We all have things about us that others would like to change, but when you find that special someone, you wouldn’t wish they were anyone else.