If You Were Still Alive
December 21, 2018
Ariella Jacobs

I think about you all the time. I feel kind of silly for always basing what I do off of someone who I can no longer ask for their opinion.  But yet, I still find myself questioning myself and my choices based on your voice that I hear only inside my head. It kills me every day that I can’t hear it out loud from you.

I wonder what you’re doing right now. Are you taking a nap in heaven? Are you getting along with strangers up there? Do you tell them all about me, about the girl I once was, and about the woman I am (hopefully) turning out to be?

Are you filling up the skies with your incredible smile?  I wonder if you are watching over me, making sure that I am alright.

Are you shaking your head when I do something without thinking? Do you laugh at me when I fall for a boy that’s not worth it? I wonder to myself every day if you would be proud of me if you could see everything that I’m doing.

It’s been really tough not having you around. I know many others were broken by you leaving. I feel selfish to think about my own suffering when I compare to how others that were even closer to you.  But when I look out the window, up into the sky, I always wonder what you would say to me.

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