I often find myself looking back at the way I acted in my previous relationships. Now that I am in a happy and healthy relationship, I can finally see where I went wrong. Today, I thought about a pattern of behavior I found led to the end of some of my previous relationships. The behavior that I want to share with you today is being overly jealous.

Whether my boyfriend was affectionate, trusting, and loving didn’t matter – I still got jealous. My jealousy, which was mostly unfounded, usually came from my partner’s previous experiences. I used to play in my head all the possible scenarios, everything they may have been through in their romantic life.

So why am I bringing this up now? Well, I’m not proud and happy to admit it, but recently I found myself falling back to my old habits. I began developing jealousy towards my boyfriend, even though he is all I could hope for.

I decided I have had enough and that I need to nip this habit in the bud. So, I have prepared a list of rules that will hopefully help me handle this irrational jealous and other toxic thoughts, here it is before you:

1. Don’t check his Instagram, not who is following, not which photos he likes, nothing.
2. Remember, Instagram is not a reality. It is something we do out of habit; It projects nothing on you or your relationship.
3. Don’t ask him which girls attended his nights out/ gatherings. He doesn’t care about it, so either does you.
4. Don’t ask about his dating history. It doesn’t matter, and you don’t want to know anyway. Leave it in the past where it belongs.
5. Embrace the fact that you are the one he is with; you are the one he is devoted to. Remember that as it is the only thing that should matter to you.
6. Know that he loves you for everything that you are. He knows you are not perfect, and he doesn’t expect you to be.
7. Your appearance isn’t the only thing that defines you, and they never will be.
8. Understand that he can’t give you everything that you desire. Yes, he can help you lift yourself and give you that boost of confidence you needed, but you also have to learn how to get it from others, and most importantly, yourself.
9. Understand that he will not give you all the attention you want all the time. It is, however, important to still confess your thoughts and feelings to him. At the same time, understand that the response will not necessarily as fulfilling as you wish it would be.
10. Learn to live without his responses. Let your heart and mind worry about other things, with full honesty.
11. You will never be able to step in his shoes and see how he views the world and you, and that’s okay, you don’t need to. Instead, embrace what he is giving you.
12. Life is not easy. You are going to face obstacles along the way, but if you believe in the relationship and work for it with an open and honest heart, you’ll get through them.
13. Make sure to live your own life. Find hobbies and things to do that don’t include him.
14. Know that he is in the relationship because he wants to. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have stayed.
15. But most importantly, protect yourself, as it is far more important than him, no matter what.

I hope that you will be able to find this helpful. Please wish me the same as I try to implant these rules in my own relationship.