I’m Done Pretending
August 7, 2020
Ariella Jacobs

Our time together was one of the best periods of my life. We had so much fun together, and I cherished every second I got to spend with you.  But then, something changed. About eight months into our relationship, I noticed that something just wasn’t as it was before. I thought that we were happy and that we were going strong, and while on the surface, you agreed with that, your behavior didn’t reflect that. Back then, you were pretending.

 

Getty Images/ Onoky/ Letizia Le Fur

 

It took me some time to see the signs, to notice the difference in your behavior. As I said, on the surface and outside, you showcased completely regular behavior, but indoors, I could tell something wasn’t the same. The first sign I had noticed was, as I mentioned, the difference in your behavior. Outside, you seemed happy and flaunted our relationship. But, inside, you were distant, avoided me and us. Then, I also noticed that we couldn’t conduct one conversation without arguing. It wasn’t huge fights, but bickering over the smallest of issues. Although at the time it didn’t seem like such a big deal, it built over time and created a wall between us – it grew us apart.

 

Slowly, but surely, we started growing apart. More and more signs of our estrangement appeared, and I just couldn’t sit by and ignore them, I couldn’t pretend anymore. We forgot to celebrate important dates that we did mere months before. What we had wasn’t exciting anymore, so I for it in my single friends’ stories. I didn’t understand it at the time, but what I was doing was searching for a different situation for myself, as I wasn’t happy in our relationship. Internally, I compared our connection to those of the people around us, which was a very unhealthy thing to do. Our relationship should have stood on its own. It should be enough for me, but it wasn’t. All these signs showed me that our relationship was over – we couldn’t keep pretending anymore.

 

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