I’m Not Who I Used To Be
November 21, 2020
Alexandra Wade

Our relationship was filled with ups and downs. We were each other’s first real love – highschool sweethearts – and we both thought that this could be the first and last relationship we’d ever have. However, as time went by, I think we accidentally mistook could for would and made ourselves believe that we should do whatever it takes to stay in this relationship. See, somewhere along the lines, our relationships went off track, and the reasoning behind everything wasn’t as clear as before.

Over the course of our relationship, I gradually lost sight of who I was. When we started seeing each other, I was 16 and still developing myself in multiple fields. So, at 18, two years into our relationship, I started feeling like an entirely different person. I know what you must be thinking – this is a natural thing – people grow, change, and evolve. But, back then, I didn’t feel like I was allowed to do so. See, you didn’t want me to change. You wanted me to stay the same naive sixteen-year-old that you fell in love with two years prior. So, for you and the sake of our relationship, I put on a facade and pretended. I pretended to be someone I wasn’t anymore.

As you can probably imagine, this isn’t something that you can do for very long. Pretending to be someone I wasn’t, drove me crazy and further away from the person I was. While I loved you and wanted our relationship to last, I also had to think about myself, as that was too much to ask from me. You wanted me to press pause on my life, to stay still, while I wanted to move forward. You couldn’t comprehend that I wasn’t who I used to be, that I changed and matured, and that was an impossible request. You should never feel pressured to stay in a relationship that isn’t working for you, which is what I felt. So, I chose me, broke it off, and left.

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