Back in middle school, I had a very close friend. We stayed at each other’s houses all the time, had the same interests, and could talk about everything. As the years went by, and we enrolled in high school, we were still close, but the tone of our relationship changed. As each of us went in our separate ways socially, our conversations suddenly focused around the school and school work. Of course, that wasn’t the only thing we talked about but was the main thing we discussed at that point. I loved her, and I knew that feeling was mutual, but I couldn’t help but wonder: would our relationship last after graduation?

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See, even back in school, I felt as if I was a second circle kind of friend. I felt like I’m that person she talks to when she has no one else to talk to; when she’s bored. That feeling has stuck with me even after graduation. I felt like she only connected with me when she had no one else to turn to, or simply to fill in her time. I didn’t understand why she would behave this way. We were such great friends in the past; we loved each other. Where did it all go?

I tried to have a discussion with her about the way I was feeling, but she wouldn’t have it. The discussion quickly turned into a fight. She said that what I said is ridiculous and used it as an excuse to talk to me even less than before. I tried to patch things out, tried to apologize, but she didn’t return any of my texts. It may have been a mistake getting into a fight with her, but I felt like I deserve more than that in a friend. I want a friend who will be there for me when I need her, not when it’s convenient or when she’s bored. That is not true friendship.