It Doesn’t Make You The Bad Guy
April 14, 2021
Ariella Jacobs

Letting go of a relationship and leaving it in the past, when it had run its course, doesn’t make you a bad person. Several of my friends, after ending and walking out on multiple-year relationships, told me that they feel like they were the bad guy in the equation. They felt like they were abandoning their ex-partners – like they were giving up too soon and didn’t work hard enough to save the relationship. When they shared their feelings with me, I instantly knew what they were talking about, as I have been there too before. It was back in my twenties, at the end of a four-year relationship I had.

We had a good run. We loved each other, and everything seemed to go on smoothly. Over time, however, some things started taking a turn for the worse. Our connection slowly started fading. Out of nowhere, he became distant and avoidant. When I tried to point it out to him, he said that it was all in my head and that everything was fine. However, at a certain point in time, it was undeniable. At that point, I felt our relationship included only one person, myself. I felt as if I was the only one putting work and effort into this relationship, which should never be the case in a healthy relationship.

So, after a while of putting up with the broken state of our relationship, I decided I have had enough. I cannot be in a relationship with someone who isn’t willing to put in some work to keep it alive. So, I ended it. I think I did what he didn’t have the courage to do. For a while, I felt like the bad guy. I was the one to call it quits, while he was willing to stay regardless of the state of our relationship. I feared that I hurt him and that maybe I could have worked harder to save our relationship. However, looking back, I know that I had made the right decision. A relationship is a two-sided thing, and when it had run its course, and you’ve done everything you could – it must come to end. And in no way does it make you the bad guy.

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