You hurt me like no one ever did before. I did nothing but love and care for you. I invested in our relationship so much – I invested my all. I stayed with you for years, waited, and sat by as you mistreated me and didn’t reciprocate the enormous investment I made in us. After about two years with you, I finally saw things as they were. You didn’t love me. If you did, you would have never treated the way that you did. You gave up so easily on our relationship, on us. As I mentioned, you hurt me deeply. You damaged my trust in others and completely changed my perspective on people, men, and relationships. It took me months to convince myself that I was over you, that I healed. But then, I ran into you again.
During one of my first nights-out after months of staying at home, I ran into you. Seeing you again, hearing you again, somehow, it brought everything back. I knew that you were no good for me, I knew what kind of person you were and how much you have scared me, but that didn’t help. The moment I saw you that day, it all came back to me. All the emotions and feelings I had for you, all of the memories that we shared. I felt weak and stupid. I spent so much time and energy on you and our relationship, which only caused me to spend more time and energy on getting over you. When we met, gone were the bad moments and feelings, but rather the feeling that I’ve missed you. It made zero sense, and it’s something I have since worked out with myself. I was in such a toxic mindset following our relationship, as I used to honestly think that what we had was love.
Thankfully, now, years later and after much-needed self-work, I know that this as far from love as it could be. In love, you don’t have to beg for someone’s affection, attention, or love. In love, there are two parties involved, and both are putting in work and energy to make it work and last.