It’s Not Me, It’s You
June 11, 2019
Ariella Jacobs

Relationships come and go, but one thing you should remember is: sometimes you have to accept that you can’t change everything or anyone. After everything that happened between us, I want to leave you with one last thing:

It wasn’t the wrong timing, you were just the wrong one.

I know I shouldn’t beg for someone’s love, care or affection. I should never belittle myself to make someone else feel better. But I did it all with you. And at the end of the day, you weren’t a positive light in my life. You weren’t worth fighting for.

Now looking back, as much as it hurts to say, I think I knew that long before we were through.

I knew that you could never return the love I gave you, what I deserved. It was a one-sided love affair, and for that, I cannot forgive you. I cannot get past it, let go of it. I’m so stuck, clinging on to things. I’m spinning, I lost myself. Remember what you told me? That it was the result of circumstances and destiny. But you know what? It’s not enough.

You changed. You left me when I needed you. I expected you to be there, and you weren’t. I kept hoping that if I gave you more and more of me, if I will surrender myself to you, you would show me the same love, the same sacrifice. That you too will try your best to make it work. Maybe it made you feel better, less guilty. Forcing me to believe that I couldn’t be who you needed me to be.

But the truth is you were lucky to have me. I was everything you could have hoped for. Anyone would be lucky to have me. It took me a long time to get to that realization, and now I pray that you too will reach the same conclusion. Remember, you can’t love someone before you love yourself. You can’t expect someone to give their all to you if you can’t do the same.

It might have taken me a while, but now I finally know there is no one to blame but you.

I know I need to forget you, to stop thinking about you and about what happened.

Because I am certain that you don’t. When it comes down to it, I can’t escape us. We happened. I’m trying to grow from it, to learn from it. And maybe that’s the best revenge I can get.

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