Throughout a large portion of my life, I followed the motto according to which just because there is something I should do, it doesn’t mean I’ll do it. For example, back in high school, even though there was an important test to learn for days in advance, doesn’t mean that this is what I did. In reality, mostly, I would start learning only the day before. Or, if there was a task I had to do during the weekend, I would tell myself that I should do it early in the weekend, but eventually would find myself doing at on Sunday evening, at the latest minute. Although I got things done on time, it wasn’t convenient for me. I decided it was time to change my ways.
As I said, on the outside, it seemed like what I was doing worked. I got good grades, got my tasks done on time, etc., but inside, I knew that I couldn’t carry on with this motto for much longer. For a while in the beginning, there wasn’t any change. While I told myself that I should do something and that it will pay off, I still didn’t act by it. Therefore, behaving just as I did before. For a while there, I also almost gave up on the idea altogether, but then another shift happened. If in the past, I delayed things, but still managed to get it done by time, I suddenly couldn’t do it anymore. Instead of helping myself and taking some pressure off me, I only added more and more work and responsibility. I reached my breaking point. There was no way that I was going to go back to my old ways again. So, I worked hard on doing things when I should, and not just when I have to. I learned that not only did I feel more relieved and free, but also I found more enjoyment in the process and my work. I am not delaying anything anymore.