I don’t open up about my personal life here usually. However, this is a dear matter, and I feel that it is important to discuss. Recently, a close girlfriend of mine ended a two-year relationship. When we met soon after, she had opened up to me and revealed that the relationship had turned toxic toward its end. She said that she constantly found herself making excuses for his behavior, that they had no trust and intimacy between them anymore. She said that at the moment things started going south, she walked out of the relationship. She knew that her environment had become toxic.
Her story stuck with me and reminded me of an old relationship of mine. When I was younger, I, too, had a toxic relationship. It didn’t start this way but had turned toxic as time went by. In the beginning, it was a great relationship. We were very affectionate and loving – we were in our honeymoon phase. However, as our relationship progressed, things took a turn for the worst. My partner became distant, judgmental, constantly criticizing me and my behavior, bringing me down at every chance. Whenever he was around me – I would shut down.
I couldn’t be myself around him. I didn’t feel comfortable when I was with him. Unfortunately, unlike my friend, I didn’t have it in me to leave. I stayed in this toxic environment for too long, put myself through all that hurt and pain. I thought that I could fix it, but he has had enough. Although I didn’t know, he didn’t want this relationship – not having the guts to call it quits, instead inflecting all this pain in me. I felt drained in this relationship. We didn’t communicate – it was extremely toxic.
Looking back, I wish I had the courage my friend did. I wish I was brave enough to take myself out of this toxic situation, to distance myself from it. When you find yourself in a toxic situation, please find it in you to put a stop to it. Take care of yourself and know when to draw the line.