Let Yourself Feel Pain
December 30, 2019
Claire Miles

During this year, I lost my grandmother. It was completely out of the blue; no one saw it coming. I remember the complete shook I felt when I heard. I was fortunate enough to have a very close relationship with her, so losing her dragged me to a low feeling I have never felt before.

To this day, I haven’t fully digested what had happened. I try not to think about it at all, push it away; pushing away the pain and sorrow. However, this is reality, and there is no way to avoid it at the end of the day.┬áLosing my grandmother completely changed my outlook on life. It made me fear losing the people that I love.

This event came back to the front stage of my life after an event that happened to me recently. My boyfriend of many years and I took a trip to Vegas. While there, he and I almost got married. I don’t know if I wrote on this matter before, but my boyfriend and I agreed that we wouldn’t get married as we have problems with the concept. Yet, during this trip, it almost happened.

Because of my loss, as I’ve mentioned, I was afraid of losing the people I loved. So, I clung to what I have. Suddenly, the concept of forever charmed and captivated me. Eventually, we didn’t go through with it. However, this showed me that I wasn’t dealing with my pain. There is a sentence Oprah said that stuck with me; she said: “In order to heal, you have to feel”.

By pushing my feelings away, I held myself back from healing. What had happened in Vegas helped e see that I need to address this matter head-on. I have to dig deep into myself and work on this issue. I need to start addressing the elephant in the room. So, wish me luck on my journey to find some answers.

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