As you probably know (because I just won’t stop writing about it,) I began a new job in September. Lately, I made up my mind that I am going to leave this position and search for a new one. Since September, I’ve been struggling with this position that is just not suited to me. Despite all that, a recent event taught me that it doesn’t mean I won’t miss it.

The company I work for is having financial struggles, and there is a high chance that my department will shut very soon. These recent developments suddenly made my upcoming departure very real and have brought up unexpected feelings. After all of my struggles at this place, I expected to feel relief upon my departure. To my surprise, that wasn’t the case.

It was devastating. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that the department I was at for almost seven months will vanish. I couldn’t believe that the people in my department, the people that I saw almost every day during these months, I might not see them again.

See, despite our differences in the past, I’ve grown to like my new co-workers. Even though I hated what I was doing, I showed up to work happy because they were there. They are the force that kept me going and motivated. They are the only reason I stayed as long as I did.

Up until now, the thought of my upcoming departure existed but didn’t seem all too real. This recent event brought it sooner and showed how much I wasn’t ready for it. I never actually comprehended what it would mean to leave my job; never thought of all the outcomes and consequences attached to it.

Just because I wasn’t enjoying it, doesn’t mean it won’t hurt. Just because I hated it, doesn’t mean I won’t miss it.