Meeting Up With My Ex Again
May 8, 2018
Alexandra Wade

It’s been six years since the last time I saw you. An entire six years since the last time I spoke to you since I heard your voice, smelt your scent, and felt your touch.

For what felt like an eternity I mourned our breakup.  I may have been the one who chose to end the relationship ultimately, but you broke my heart and tore it apart. I felt like you had destroyed me, made me into ruined goods. For much too long I thought of you every waking moment, I reminisced about the good times, I cried about the pain you caused me, I cried about missing you, and I cried about the fact that I believed I would never move on and meet someone better. You told me no one would ever love me again. And I never believed. I felt like I never truly stopped loving you, but I also wanted to never see you or have anything to do with you again.

Eventually, I began to move on, and any memory of you would haunt me. Now, six years later I am in a completely different place in life. I am much happier, more relaxed, self-confident and comfortable in my skin. Today, I don’t feel destroyed, I feel like I’ve come back to life again. I had the time I needed to be alone and find myself, and I fell in love again, but so much harder.

I realize that the love you gave me was never real love. It was a need for power, and it was lust. Maybe it was love, but it wasn’t what I have now. My partner now has changed my entire world around and has allowed me to believe in love again. My partner supports me in my every move, is loving, generous, caring, hilarious, thoughtful, adorable, sweet, sensitive, manly, bold, and brave. He loves me and everything about me. He’s never made me feel ashamed about who I am and has never made me doubt that.

He’s everything that you weren’t.  You were my first love and you will always be a part of me, but I will never ever be with you again. You had enough chances and you never stepped up to the plate.

We’re meeting today, and I’m not sure why you asked, and why I agreed. I can try my very best to tell you why I agreed, but as for you? We will just have to see. I guess in a sense I’d like a sense of closure, we didn’t leave off on a very good note. We will never be friends, but I would like to stop having so much anger and hatred towards you. I would like to be able to be ok talking to you, like a normal person, just someone else in my life, because that’s what you are right now. I had a nervous breakdown when I saw your parents a while ago. I don’t want to feel that way.

Most of all though? To be honest, I suppose I want to show you how far I’ve come. That you didn’t destroy me. You actually made me feel so bad that you fueled my motivation to get to where I am today. You made me feel like such a nothing that I did everything I could to prove I was something.  So thank you. I want to show off to you, to tell you all about my incredible wonderful new boyfriend and all the exciting new things I’m doing in life.

And as for you? Well, today is for me. Whatever you have in mind, I hope you get it too. Other than my love of course.  Maybe you want to apologize to me for everything? Either way, I forgive you. I’ve moved on.

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