Relationships come and go, and with each comes the topic of this discussion, moving on. People use phrases like “moving on” and “letting go” as if they are simple things to do. People feel the entitlement to tell others what is the appropriate time they should wait before moving on, thinking they know best. But the truth is there is no such thing as the right time.

Now thinking about it, I don’t know if I have ever gotten through something in the time frame others found “appropriate”, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. Society already decides on too many things for us, why on earth is getting over a relationship would be one of them? This is such a personal subject and experience, how can someone for one second believe they know better than you?

Plus, as humans, we are, at our core, territorial creatures. We fight to hold onto what we love. Letting go is not an instinct, it doesn’t happen in a second. In reality, we let someone go so many times, not all at once. We let them go when we through away the deodorant that smells like them. We let them go when we see the yogurt they used to eat every morning and don’t buy it. We let them go when we see someone similar to them on the street. We let then go when we come home with someone else. We let someone go in many different ways, and it’s completely normal. You are not pathetic or strange, this is not a simple choice you made and never looked back.

Moving on isn’t a race, it’s not about speeding forward, but more like a balance between the gas padel and the break padel. It takes time for things to get even, to achieve the balance you once had. It’s not wrong if you return home and feel like something is missing. It’s not pathetic if something amazing happens to you, but you are sad because the person you wanted to share it with, isn’t there. Feelings don’t disappear with the snap of our fingers.

We have to be patient with ourselves, understand that we are still in the works. We are constantly changing and evolving. We want things to happen in seconds and feel impatient when they take time. It takes time to fall in love, and it takes time to fall out of it. We grow even if there is nothing physical as proof, we are complex creatures. We ought to move past the parts of life in which we feel stuck and not “there” yet.

We don’t talk as much as we should of how moving on feels like we’re fighting our basic instincts. How it’s okay to feel like this. How it’s okay to contemplate every decision we make. Growth is as painful as it is rewarding. We need to remember growth happens even if we see no evidence of it. We need to understand that letting go of the old and in of the new is something we do on a regular basis. Maybe if we’ll stop giving ourselves such a bad time, we’ll see it.