For a long while, I had my guards up. I was careful around others and was hesitant about letting people in. Even around the people I considered to be my best friends, I was careful with my feelings and thoughts. The way I saw it, my thoughts and emotions could be, at some way and point, used against me. So, I kept them private, and when someone asked for my opinion, I was evasive. But that isn’t the way to build a good relationship and friendship. After all, a key part of every relationship is honesty and transparency, and I wasn’t providing that.
Since I can remember, I had an issue with trusting others and sharing personal things about myself with them. I held my cards close and didn’t give them away easily – if at all. However, as I entered high school and some of my friendships developed, it was hard to keep up with this behavior. My friends shared their feelings and thoughts with me and expected me to do the same. But, again, I was evasive and came across as someone without an opinion. I think that, eventually, if I were to carry on with this behavior, my friends would have stopped sharing their opinions with me, as I didn’t share mine with them.
I don’t know what it was exactly that got me to open up to my friends at the time. I assume part of it was the trust we built overtime in each other. They trusted me with their thoughts and emotions, so maybe I should give them the same chance. It didn’t happen overnight, though. It was a process that started with sharing small bits of information before gradually moving on to things I considered more serious and vulnerable. These friends, who are still my closest friends to this day, showed me the value and meaning of a true friend. They helped me restore some of my trust in others and have become family to me. Our chosen family is so important, and we must make sure that it consists of the right people.