One Sided Relationships
March 14, 2020
Alexandra Wade

Friends are a central part of all of our lives. Our friends shape who we are throughout our lives; they are our peers, our equals. We learn from them and develop our personalities in accordance with them. That is why we need to make sure we have the right friends. I myself had the unfortunate luck of making some fake friends along the way. As the cliché goes, friendship is a two-way street. In a desirable and right friendship, both sides must put in work. However, there are times when it feels like only one person is making an effort to keep the friendship alive. Sadly, this is what had happened to me, and it hurts.

Maybe the worst part about a one-sided relationship is how awful you feel about yourself. You constantly blame yourself for not seeing the signs; you blame yourself for the pain you are feeling, even though you are not the one that caused it. So, before anything, what I want to get across to you is that this is not your fault. This other person used you, took advantage of you, and hurt you. Under no circumstances is this your fault. Now that we got this out of the way, I would like to tell you a little bit about my experience with one-sided relationships, how to detect them, and how to handle them.

So, when I was in high school, there was this girl I counted to be one of my closest friends. We knew each other since we were little kids, and though we drifted apart over the years, I wanted to believe it was all the same. It’s safe to say it wasn’t, but sadly, I couldn’t see that back then. It was only several years later when I reflected on things and saw how twisted that friendship was. Even then, I still believed our friendship was real, as she continued to play me. With that being said, the first sign I feel that I should share with you is engagement. In a one-sided relationship, you are the one initiating conversation, you are the one to reach out and make plans. They, on the other side, only reach out when they need something from you.

Pay attention to the fact that even if you do manage to make plans with them, they will often cancel on you or be extremely late. They have no respect for your time, they don’t really value seeing you. And on the rare occasions when you do see them, notice how they do most of the talking, and when you speak, they don’t listen. Healthy friendships are about exchange, both sides give and take at about the same amount. Both of you should and deserve to be heard. Another sign is that they simply don’t care. You are the one pushing and keeping the friendship going, while they don’t seem to care that much.

The most important sign, at the end of the day, is your gut. If you feel something is off, but can’t explain it; If you question your friendship or your friend, don’t ignore your feelings. Trust your feeling, because usually, they are right. However, I have to say that not all friendships are the same. However, if you feel it in your bones; if you try talking with them to no result; if all else fails, end things. No one wants to lose a friend, but even though it is painful, it is inevitable in situations like this. We all deserve real friends; we all deserve to be surrounded by loving, supportive people.

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