If you ever read some of my posts before, you probably know by now that I have a difficult romantic past. I’ve been in too many toxic relationships in my past that I wish I could erase. Unfourtenetly, back then, I couldn’t see the signs that were right in front of me. Now, however, as I look back on these relationships, I can spot the telling signs. And, those are these insights that I would like to share with you today.
The first sign I detected, which was evident in all these relationships, was the constant fear. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells around them, like any second now I might set them off. This is a situation that should never happen in a relationship. Your relationship should be a free space to express your feelings and concerns without the fear of backlash. In a healthy and functioning relationship, you should feel safe to tell your partner that they hurt or upset you, you should be able to communicate your feelings with them without hesitation.
The second sign I noticed was that they always pointed out my flaws. Some of my exes always found something in my that was wrong, that wasn’t good enough. I always felt required to improve, to do better. Nothing was good enough. Your partner should be your biggest supporter, not the person that brings you down. To this day, I am working on repairing the self-esteem issues my exes caused me by pointing out my faults.
A third sign I noticed was that it was always about them. No matter what we talked about, my exes always found a way to turn the conversation around and make it about them. A toxic partner will have an overly inflated sense of self-importance, making both sides of the relationship unequal, as their needs always seem to trump yours. It is necessary for both partners to be interested in each other and focus on more than just their interests. Of course, there are many other signs, as there is a variety of patterns of a toxic relationship, but these were the ones I found in mine. Please, if you identify one of these signs in your relationship, examine your relationship more carefully. You deserve better.