Staying Away From Toxic Relationships
September 10, 2019
Alexandra Wade

An old friend of mine reached out to me recently. This was very surprising to me, as our relationship ended badly. I have known this girl for six years, and considered her my best friend. So much so that I considered her family and vice versa. I could have talked to her about everything and anyone. I honestly thought nothing could ever come between us. But now looking back, I’m not that sure. So, here’s what happened.

We became friends in the ninth grade and instantly hit it off. Among all the things we had in common, we both dreamed of attending NYU. Throughout the twelfth grade, we planned everything we would do if we both got accepted to NYU. Luckily, it happened. Our dream came true and we couldn’t be happier. We dreamed of all the Broadway shows we would see and about the place we would share. Our bond felt stronger than ever.

However, as our time there progressed we started drifting apart. She studied theatre while I studied communications. My friend had a rough time. She didn’t manage to find friends quickly and was very dependant. I, on the other hand, managed to make a few friends that I liked and enjoyed being around. At times, my friend came along with us. I remember how she used to guilt-trip me about having other friends. She couldn’t stand the fact that I had other friends and was less available for her. Once she confronted me about it and told me resentfully that it seems like I’m having more fun with a different friend. I didn’t realize then that this was a sign of a toxic relationship. When someone is jealous of your happiness and wants you to give it up for their sake, it’s not a good thing.

That’s when the second sign appeared. While we were hanging out together this one day, we were pretty drunk and I said a lot of nonsense. At a certain point, my friend suggested we make a video just for fun. I agreed. In the video, I confessed my affection to this guy that I liked back then in a very funny-creepy way. We saw the video and laughed, and I asked her to delete it. She told me she did, but later I discovered she sent him the video, without my knowledge or permission. I was pissed. This is something you never do. I confronted her. She apologized and admitted she was wrong. But that wasn’t the end of it.

The final nail in the coffin came when she told me she was considering quitting NYU because she felt alone and like she was wasting her time. I told her that I was sad to hear that, but if that was what she felt was right for her, she should follow her gut. At the end of the day, she told me it was a friendship test, and that I didn’t pass. Apparently, I should have encouraged and pushed her to stay. I was shocked and insulted.

This relationship had become toxic to me. I didn’t feel as comfortable and open with her as I used to be. As much as it hurt me, it was time to end this relationship. It was not healthy for either of us. We grew apart, it happens, and it’s natural. I’m sure she felt it was right too. If you have a relationship you feel has become toxic, end it. Don’t be afraid of the other side, worry about your own mental health, your own wishes. Trust yourself.

So, I am sorry, but I think I am not going to call you back.

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