The Letter You’ll Never Send
October 28, 2018
Jade Kerr

Hey. 

 

That’s exactly how you would text me after we broke up, as though you were just casually texting an old friend of yours – not who I thought I was, the girl that you said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with a few years ago, and then suddenly decided to break her heart.

 

Ok, fine – I knew deep down that we weren’t the perfect match for each other, with all of our differences, and the distance we went through in college. But we made it so far, and managed to have this incredible relationship. We loved each other so, so much. It made me feel so proud of our love, that were so cliche, that everything wrong about our relationship was just meant to be.

 

I truly believed with you that I had found my happily ever after, and that I wouldn’t have to go through all the hell of dating and breakups that everyone always talks about.  You always assured me that you could never be without me, and that no one would ever fill my place.

 

But then, all of a sudden – you changed your mind. You suddenly decided that after saying you couldn’t live without me, that you needed space. You tore me apart, and there’s nothing that could have eased the pain I felt throughout my entire body both physically and emotionally.

 

All of our love, memories and secrets shared felt like a complete lie. You left me completely shocked, empty, sad, and angry.  While you were busy sleeping around with that random girl, I thought back on the years of our relationship, and started to see all of the flaws and things that I chose to ignore because I wanted so badly to be with you, to make it work no matter what. While reflecting on all these things, I still missed you, so deeply.

 

I still want to be with you, that’s the truth. But I understand that there are certain things that simply can’t be overlooked. I also realized that I deserve the all love, effort, and attention that I put in to the relationship given back to me. And you didn’t give that back to me.

 

That’s why I was able to reject you when you came running back to me, crying that you made the biggest mistake.  I didn’t really move on from you, or find someone else, but I started to find myself.

 

So I thank you for allowing me to understand that, and for giving me the time and chance to find that strength. Really, I’m grateful.

 

Learn your lesson, that you can’t tell a girl that you’ll never leave her, that you’re going to propose soon, and don’t talk about the names of your future kids. Don’t make her think that you’re in it for the long run if you’re not.

 

I hope you find happiness with someone else, and that you love her in the way that she deserves. I hope you can look back at our relationship in a positive light. We were each other’s first loves.

 

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