Meeting someone new is exciting, and a lot of pressure is put on the first date. We often go into it feeling nervous, as if the whole relationship depends on it. And while this technically has truth to it, first dates are easier than we expect them to be. I’m not exactly the heaviest dater; when it comes to dating, I was a ‘late-bloomer’ so to speak. So naturally, my first lot of first dates were in fact nerve-wracking. It wasn’t until a first date went well, did the nerves really begin.

You see, it’s pretty easy to get through a first date with someone, no matter whether or not you click. Obviously, if you have more in common, then you’ll have more to talk about, and things will go smoothly. If it’s a bad date, then you just need to make your way through a couple of hours of small talk. Maybe you’re a nervous talker and will end up talking too much, or you’d rather just let the other person talk the night away. You may even just make up an excuse that lets you bail early.

Getty Images/Anna Bizon

When there’s a second date looming, things suddenly become real. You’ve spent the first date extinguishing all the small talk options, and gotten all of the niceties out of the way, the second date is when stuff gets real. Now is the real test as to whether or not you actually have things to talk about, if you enjoy each other’s company, or if you’re just being polite. Things have changed since the first date because now you both know you are actually interested, so suddenly there’s more pressure.

While first dates are of course important, I think we need to take the time to give a bit more attention to the second date. And just because we both mutually agreed to go on a second date, it also doesn’t necessarily mean there has to be a third. This pivotal date carries more weight than we realize. Once I’d started noticing it, I couldn’t unsee it, and I started making more of an effort for my second dates than with the firsts.