I am overweight, always have been and always will be. And it’s not fair. I’ve done, and I do everything I possibly can to change it, and nothing works. I’ve gone on all kinds of diets, cut out carbs from my diet, stopped putting sugar in my coffee, bring lunch with me to work, read all kinds of studies and health magazines, but nothing, nothing at all has worked.
I hate exercising, it’s so hard and boring, but what choice do I have? I don’t want to live like this. I kill myself every week with my personal trainer, pushing myself to the limit and doing things I would have never believed my body could do. And still, even with a pound or two here or there that I lose, it will never be enough.
My body, I assume is built differently. Maybe I have a health problem, but so far, I haven’t managed to find anything. For me, losing weight is extremely hard. If anyone else ate what I ate in a day and worked out as I did, they would be a stick. But for me? I look pretty much the same. Am I not doing enough? Do I need to work even harder?
I hate myself, and I hate the looks I get from other people. I hate that I can’t go to the beach in the summer because I’m too self-conscious in a bathing suit. I hate girls half my size complaining about how fat they are. I hate that my boyfriend is super-fit and that when we walk together people look confused. I hate flipping through pictures of perfect girls in bikini’s eating pizza and hamburgers on Instagram. It makes no sense to me.
I’m slowly starting to understand that if my weight is not within my power, then there’s something else I need to change, and it might be even harder than weight loss, but I know that it can be a whole lot more powerful and that it is in fact achievable.
And that is to learn to love myself for who I am, appreciate that I have an incredible boyfriend that is crazy over me and to stop caring so much about what other people think. Are y’all with me on this one?