When we met, I had no idea just how much my life was going to change. You were like nobody I have ever met before. You were kind, generous, good-looking, funny; in my eyes, you had everything; there was nothing you could do wrong. Unfourtenetly, that was the problem. As I mentioned, I never met anybody like you in the past. All my other partners were the complete opposite. They might have seemed genuine, but it was only an act. One by one, they showed me their true character – hurting me and betraying my trust. As you can expect, everything that happened in my romantic life affected my view of love and relationship. It managed to destroy many good things in my life, and unfortunately, we were one of those things.
See, you were so good to me; Too good. Considering the way I’ve been treated in the past, you seemed too good to be true. After a while in which everything seemed to be going great, my trust issues kicked in. You could have chosen almost anyone. Wherever we went, people showed their interest in you; you were always the life of the party. It got me wondering, why would you settle for me? I have so many issues and baggage that I carry with me for years, why would you want that? These thoughts got in my head. I could not stop thinking about it. So much so that it affected a lot of my thoughts and actions going forward.
These toxic thoughts led me to one conclusion: I am not the only one your seeing. In my head, it made so much sense. After all, a few of my exes cheated on me in the past, so why won’t you, who was by far better than them, wouldn’t do it either? You were so much more than everyone in everything – your looks, your personality, the love you showed me, the way you treated me. It just made no sense in my mind. So, I jumped to conclusions. It immediately caused me to be more distant and suspicious. I haven’t behaved like my true self. Without noticing, I was sabotaging our relationship just because of an idea I had put into my head. Unfortunately, it worked.
You noticed my sudden change of behavior and matched it with your own. You became more distant, and understandably so. It was then that I started seeing the consequences of my actions and toxic thoughts. I finally saw what I have done and its cost – losing you. It was at that moment that I decided something had to change. You were the best thing that happened to me in a while; I cannot let the things that happened to me in the past interfere with what we have now. Back then, I have yet to understand that the scars I carried from my previous relationships have stuck with me; I haven’t accepted it. So, I did a little self-searching and came to this conclusion. Now, I just had to change that.
I had a long and hard work ahead of me. I had to learn that I am deserving of love; that someone could truly love me. I had to learn how to trust people again and open up to them. I had to learn that I am deserving of being in a relationship with someone like you. It was a long and intense work, and while I can’t say I’m fully there yet, I have made tremendous progress. Thankfully, you stayed by my side through it all. You were so understanding, and you stuck by me even when it was so much easier to walk away. You are all I could ever hope for, and there are no words to describe my love for you. You changed me for the better, and for that, I’ll always be grateful to you. I love you.