Turned Into Someone Else
September 20, 2019
Jade Kerr

It is no secret that I’ve gone through a lot of unhealthy relationships in my life. I know I keep mentioning it, but all these things happened to me. Now, I feel the need to share all that I’ve learned with you. Today, I want to look back at a relationship I had when I was 22 years old. I dated this guy for about a year and a half, and I was head over heels in love with him. Based on the introduction, you probably already know that he broke my heart. However, that isn’t the purpose of the story this time.

We had a good relationship. I loved and trusted him completely. So much so that we even got engaged and married. Though everything between us happened very quickly, I was sure about every move. I felt like when I was with him, I was the best version of myself, like a better person. So, when we ended our marriage after only a few weeks, I was devastated.

However, instead of seeing everything that caused our relationship to end, I blamed only myself. I believed that there is something wrong with me. I felt that I needed to change, that I wasn’t good enough. All my feelings about being a better and improved person went to hell. All of this led me to be a whole different person – I’ve turned into someone else.

I used to believe that once you marry someone, that it is forever. That once you made the decision, there is no turning back. I thought people who got divorced didn’t fight or try hard enough. This experience was a much-needed wake-up call. You can never know what will come, as real-life are unexpected. Things in life are way more complicated than one might think.

For many years after that, I acted like someone I wasn’t. I repressed who I was, kept my feelings and thoughts to myself. Never spoke up in relationships if something bothered me, never voiced my opinion. In retrospective, this was probably a large contributor to why a lot of my relationships were terrible.

Now, looking back, I see what an important and valuable lesson this is. Not only did it teach me a lot about the real world, but it also taught me a lot about myself. In a way, every relationship turns us into someone else. We always leave them a different person than when we came into them. However, we have to make sure that this change is not too drastic, so we won’t lose ourselves completely.

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