I’ve been through a fair share of breakups in my life. Following a heartbreak, I am usually left with a feeling of sadness and pain. These feelings usually stem from watching the person you used to cherish completely fall out of love. While we all know this common situation, we still don’t see it coming. No one warns you about it, and it is truly devastating.
At that moment you realize that the person in front of you is not the same person you fell in love with. They are quitting on you, on everything you shared, while you would have never stopped fighting for them. At that moment you realize there is nothing you can do to change their minds and you are blindsided, leaving you confused and yearning for answers. The moment you watch the one you love walk away.
I don’t see enough people talking about that feeling and what it brings with it. The morning after, when all you want is to go back to sleep, to avoid reality. When the only person you wish would text you, doesn’t. Struggling to fall asleep because you are used to someone sleeping by your side. When you have something you’re going through, and they are not there to share it with you anymore.
That feeling of loneliness comes hand in hand with pushing people away, creating a toxic circle that saddens you even more. When all you want is company, you end up even more alone. When all you want is to be around those who love you, you find yourself longing for that one you lost.
You are losing your love and your best friend while seeing him moving on all through social media. It is devastating. It breaks you. You are bringing yourself down constantly because you know you should just unfollow and block them, but can’t bring yourself to do so. You lose sight of yourself, of who you used to be.
But maybe what’s harder than everything is moving on. Leaving these pieces behind you and moving on. The process of healing is never linear, it is full of ups and downs. It is hard healing at first, knowing that you will take them back immediately, despite everything that happened, even though they are not the person you once knew. Sometimes our heart wants what it wants, without realizing that it might not be what’s best for you.
I know this is not what you usually hear, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. It doesn’t mean what you are feeling is not okay, it is. It’s okay that this is taking a long time. It’s okay you feel lost. Because in the end, you will find yourself again, stronger and better, and it will be everything.