Almost all of my past relationships came to a devastating conclusion. So many times I’ve been left heartbroken after my ex cheated on me or walked away unexpectedly. I can still remember the demining conversations they had with me telling me it’s over. “You’re great,” they said, “It’s us, and although it’s over, we’d love to be just friends.” I was so offended by this question. I loved them, and unlike them, I wanted to keep this relationship going. I pictured a future with them. One that doesn’t include us being “just friends.” Plus, after the way they treated me, friends is the last thing I wanted them as.

Getty Images/ Moment/ Witthaya Prasongsin

My reality changed in an instant. Suddenly, there was a hole in my life. I saw forever with these men, almost every single one of them; There is no way I can be just friends with them. See, the forever I committed myself to in my head doesn’t entail a story of “just being friends.” In the aftermath of all of these failed relationships, I was left to mourn something that hasn’t happened. This is one of the most painful feelings there are; you are mourning something that only existed in your mind.

Of course, there are many couples have managed to remain friends after a breakup. I believe that to reach this state we must accept the situation. We must accept that the future we have imagined would never become a reality. You can’t be “just friends” with someone you saw forever with until you’ve accepted a life that doesn’t consist of any form of relationship with them. You have to want more for yourself than a dysfunctional relationship. If you try to be “just friends” with someone you saw forever with, you’re going to spend forever wishing you were spending your whole life being more than “just friends.”