What does it mean to find home? Isn’t home where we live, where were born and grew up with our families? Well, not always. Home for everyone can mean something else.
We all (hopefully) have a home, as in a house, but once we find our real home, it’s not the same. For me, at least, I found home twenty three years later. This is not to say that I had a terrible childhood, without love and that I didn’t always have a roof over my head. But now, I really found my home.
All my life, I never really felt comfortable in my own skin, I felt judged by those around me, family included, I had tons of rules to follow and responsibilities that I could not care less about doing. I did not feel comfortable being home. It was a place to sleep, to put my head down. Do any of you feel that way too? I was always looking for another place to head off to.
I wanted to bad to live on my own. I wanted my own home. I worked hard, over summer breaks, and managed to save up enough money to move away. I moved far, far away. I was ready for a new adventure. For new people, for a new start. For some independence.
It took a few years still to find home. Yes, I lived in an apartment that was all mine, but it was still never really home. In fact, I felt so far away from home without any family. I didn’t feel like keeping it clean, like being there all the time, like inviting people over and like investing in making it really a special place. It just didn’t feel like home, it was just an apartment I was renting. I was still searching for that moment when I would finally feel at home.
Now, years later I have truly found home. And you know why? It’s because I found myself. I found what truly makes me happy in life, I have found confidence in myself and self-respect, I found friends that truly bring me up, I have found the love of my life that I want to keep building this home together with and growing up together with. Now, everything around me is home. Home is where the heart is, and my heart is so here.
Home is all of the beautiful, energetic people around me, the flower vendor, the fruit vendor, home is the sound of the waves at the beach, home is the colorful sunrise I see every morning, home is the giant hug I get multiple times a day and the smell of homemade food on the table every night.
I moved across the world to find it, when all along it was just lost inside of me.