As some of you probably know about me at this point, I have been through my fair share of toxic relationships. While I wasn’t able to do it back then, now I can look back at these experiences with a fresh perspective and learn from them. The relationship in question took place when I in my early twenties. Like in many of my past relationships, I was head over heels in love with this guy. So much so, that I overlooked his treatment towards me.
See, the relationship was based around control. In retrospect, I am finally able to see it. My ex needed to have a say about every single detail in my life. What I did, what I wore, where I went, who were my friends – he needed to know everything. Back then, I brushed it off and excused it as him being protective – worrying about me, loving me. Unfourteetly, it was a long while before I received my rude awakening. After about four months of dating, I finally started seeing it for what it was – he wanted to have full control over me. He wanted me to be his plastic doll, to mold me according to his wishes.
This is a situation that would never exist in a relationship – no side should have more power and control over the other. You shouldn’t conform yourself to being someone you’re not just to please someone else. I thought that he did it out of love, that he wanted to protect me and help me improve, but he just wanted to control me. This is not how you show someone that you love them. In a loving, healthy relationship you should expect your partner to accept you and love you for who you are, not try and change you. If someone is not willing to accept and love you for who you are, then they are undeserving of your love.